I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
