you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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