it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
