Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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