Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize