I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I met the friendliest cop last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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