She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize