Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
