Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
