I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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