Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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