if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
