So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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