The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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