You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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