I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
