She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
