mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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