never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
