my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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