If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
