I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
