Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
