I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize