ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
