as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
