Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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