I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
