I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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