You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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