chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
