I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
