did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?