I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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