how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
