his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
