I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.