I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This girl is more easily done than said...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
