I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
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I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.