I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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