I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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