The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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