Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
this is an emotional support booty call
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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