Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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