he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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