we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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