I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
