My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize