Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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