i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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