I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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