all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
