just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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