Even the bartender felt bad for me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize