Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
