: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's an acceptable place to lick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
