When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
