just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
