Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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