Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
