I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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