Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
