I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
