1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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