Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
