Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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