so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
