i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just had sex bonerless
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
