i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
