so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
