Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
