i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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