so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
