I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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