Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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