I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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