Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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